Somewhere around my 30th birthday, I started seeing things differently and stopped putting up with others shit. Certain places and people in my life became almost unbearable to live with day in and day out. I started asking questions like how do I know if my son will go to heaven when he dies? How do I know that I’m doing enough to ensure his relationship with God? If God calls us to love each other, why do we shun those that don’t meet our standards or expectations in the church? Things like divorce, being homosexual, bisexual, or pansexual were viewed as wrong and something that could not or should not be expressed. What about the other people who simply aren’t raised to know God because of the culture they were born too? Would they be turned away for not knowing any different? Surely we can’t convince everyone that our God is the one true God. The answers I received to these questions were far short of truly answering them. Maybe they can’t truly be answered with much more then an educated guess or biased opinion. However with these questions, the wall I had built around organized religion began to crumble. My blindfold was taken off and I began to explore that which was considered to be disgraceful or forbidden.
I don’t feel like I’ve ever been the type to really take things at face value. I’ve always had a desire to learn and know more. The mythical legends of Greece and Rome are one of the earliest things I remember taking a fascination too. There was a book I found once that I read and re-read at least a dozen times. It had tales of mythological gods and goddesses. As I became older and entered into high school, I began to learn of other cultures. I learned of their ways, their beliefs, and traditions. Different holidays they celebrated and rituals they performed. It was all so awe-inspiring and beautiful! I began to wish that I too could go and participate in such experiences. This fascination and amazement never really left as I entered college. I continued to study Spanish and the various Spanish speaking cultures until the day I left college. Then life became a flow of work and caring for my children and the home.
Shortly before my 30th birthday I had had enough of trying to keep everything stay afloat. It was at this point that an ultimatum was given. I quit the government job that I had at the time that made me sick to my stomach. Literally! There were days that I would become nauseous at the thought of having to go back to that place and deal with people with such narrow minds and rude stubbornness. When I received the call that my my son was on the verge of being kicked out of therapy, I had had enough! I could not keep going back to that place anymore. I gave a one month notice to my employer and to my husband. Now he would have to be the bread winner. He would have to provide insurance and all the things that I had done with my job so that I could be home with the kids and ensure that our son went to all of his therapy appointments. He didn’t really like it but I gave him no choice. This was the first of me setting boundaries and keeping them. The carefully braided knots that I had twisted myself into began to come undone…..and so did my marriage.
Over the next two years, I questioned the things I believed. I had a looming divorce, gossip amongst my “friends” at church, and a feeling of isolation. It wasn’t long before the storm hit. Boy did it ever hit! The man I was married to started drinking again and before long began using drugs too. He had a violent temper that often led to pushing and shoving on top of the usual yelling and screaming. I demanded he leave and asked for a divorce. He refused. After almost a year things came to a head and he found himself in rehab. I found myself in the arms of another man. We were only separated at the time but I was hurting. This new man was my knight in shining armor come to rescue me and tell me. He definitely taught me a lot of lessons and I probably taught him some too. I know I hurt him in my pain of what I was going through. Eventually, things ended with him too. My journey continued.
The next few years brought more relationships. I tested my boundaries and theirs and pushed the limits in several areas of my life. Eventually, I came to a breaking point. I was in a bigger city with little support around. Shortly after, I moved to the same city as that psychic medium that I was still following and started taking the classes she offered. The first thing I learned was that I am an Empath, and a pretty strong one at that.
“You need to go, he cannot help you.”
A person with empathic abilities is not just a very empathetic soul that understands what others are going through. An empath can literally feel the emotions within them of those around them, good or bad. They can feel others pain even. Once I understood what it was to be an empath, it wasn’t long before other things started to show themselves. Within a year of moving to the city, I had my first clear encounter with spirit. I saw a man standing over my eldest son’s bed as he slept one night. I was on the couch reading when I heard a voice. After making sure that it was not a neighbor or anything like that, I walked down the hall and saw him there. I wasn’t scared. I had been reading up on the five claires so when this happened I knew what to do. So I asked the spirit to leave, telling him that my son could not help him.
Once comfortable with the idea of being an empath and that I could see and communicate with spirit, I was drawn to other forms of divination. I began learning cartomancy and received my first tarot card deck. For the first couple of years I only read myself. Then I worked up the courage to start reading for other people. I started collecting crystals and learning their energetic properties. Rose quartz for love, green aventurine for prosperity and black tourmaline for protection. As time went on, I felt called to learn more forms other divination and practice. I tried several different things and paid attention to how they made me feel. And so I find myself here, sharing my wisdom now with you having come full circle in a sense.